


Memoirs of a Mage

by Silvermoone



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Gen, Magic, The Gallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-07 00:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11047830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvermoone/pseuds/Silvermoone
Summary: It's 9:34 Dragon, and in Kirkwall things are getting tense, especially between mages and templars. Jessica Cutler is a mage living in the Gallows during this precarious time, and decides to start a diary. This is her story.





	1. Solace

**Memoirs of a Mage**

~~The diary of Jessica Cutler  
~~~~Cutler's Comments  
~~~~The writings of Miss J. Cutler~~  
  
20th Solace, 9:34  
  
I had no idea it would be so hard to start this thing. I'll leave the title for later. I've been staring at this page for ten minutes now, and still don't know how to get it underway. Should I start with who I am? Or perhaps it would be better to explain why I'm writing this?  
I guess who I am doesn't really matter. Suffice it to say that I'm a mage at the Gallows Circle in Kirkwall.  
  
The why is probably more important. In a nutshell, I haven't been sleeping well, and a friend told me that it might help if I wrote everything down. That sounded simple enough, but when it's three in the morning, and you're staring at a blank sheet of paper, it's really not that simple at all. Maybe I should write down why I'm not sleeping well? It basically boils down to fear. One simple emotion can change who we are, how we behave, and what actions we take. In this Circle, fear is the dominant emotion; it hangs over us like a large storm cloud.  
  
I've never really thought of myself as a nervous person. Even when I was brought to the Circle at the tender age of five, I just accepted the gloomy place as my new home. I don't jump at shadows, or scream at the sight of a spider, mouse, or rat, and yet here I am, soaked in sweat from another nightmare, trying to control the trembling of my limbs. In my dreams I see a mage being dragged into a room, her screams and pleas falling on deaf ears. I stare through a small window, and see the mage being held down by rough hands as a templar approaches with a sizzling branding iron. The smell of burning flesh makes my stomach heave as the brand is pressed against her forehead. Then it's over, and in the frightening silence that follows, the mage turns emotionless eyes towards me. And that's when I awake. It sounds so silly when I read it through again, hardly worthy of the title of a nightmare. I think I can hear footsteps, so I'd better get back in bed.  
  
23rd Solace  
  
I still haven't thought of a title for this... whatever this is. Today brought with it some excitement. We had a visit from Messere Hawke, not that I got to see him, but Bethany did. I guess that makes sense, as she is his sister. Jackie was there too, and she says he's quite a good looking man. However, she says that about every man she meets, even the templars. She spent a whole month mooning over our Knight-Captain - well, he wasn't a Knight-Captain when he came here, but he is now. Maker, but she was impossible during that time, always looking around for him. I do think she might be a few sandwiches short of a picnic, as I can't think of a reason why a mage would willingly follow a templar around.  
  
Anyway, she soon got tired of him when he showed no interest, and now it seems she has a thing for Hawke. I hope she doesn't try to follow him around, because it sounds like he gets himself into some dangerous situations; and, of course, she can't just leave the Gallows whenever she feels like it. Now I've forgotten what I came here to write about. Oh well, I have to go now, it's my turn to tidy up the library.  
  
29th Solace  
  
Had the nightmare again. I think it's because of the rumours currently spreading like wildfire throughout the Circle. Everyone says that one of the templars wants to make us all tranquil, even if we've passed our Harrowing. I don't think he'd be allowed to do that, but then, the Knight-Commander has been acting a bit strange lately, so she might give him permission. People are recalling some of the mages who have disappeared over the last few months, and are wondering if they were made tranquil. Or were they just killed outright? No one ate much at dinner, we were all caught up in our own thoughts. Later in the evening, I saw some mages gathered together, whispering about whether they could do anything to stop the 'tranquil solution'. I stayed away from them. Templars are being evermore vigilant, and are quick to assume a conspiracy if they see mages standing around in groups.  
  
Terry told me that the Knight-Captain is especially suspicious because of what happened at the Fereldan Circle. He said that Cullen used to work there, and that a mage had started a rebellion which had resulted in blood mages and abominations roaming the halls. I don't know if he's just trying to scare me. My eyes feel heavy, so I'm going back to bed. I hope I don't have any more nightmares.  
  
30th Solace   
  
No nightmares!


	2. August

**August, 9:34**

1st August  
  
What a day! Ella returned to the Circle today. To be honest, I wasn't aware she'd been missing. Anyway, she was crying, and said that Ser Alrik had tried to make her tranquil, but that Hawke had saved her. She also mentioned an apostate who glowed, which sounds strange. I think she was just scared, and had imagined that part. But we're all breathing a little easier knowing that Alrik won't be coming back.  
  
Poor Ella was put in solitary confinement. I hope they don't leave her there for too long, but it's better than what the Knight-Commander wanted to do to her. Apparently she was infuriated to learn that a mage had escaped the Circle under her watch, and demanded Ella be made tranquil. Thankfully, Orsino stepped in, and some say that the Knight-Captain also asked for leniency. I don't know what to make of that. I've never heard of a templar standing up for a mage before. Anyway, it's late and I'm going to bed now.

-X-

  
I'm back again. I think I only slept for an hour or two before I awoke from another nightmare. This time there was a glowing mage. Stupid Ella and her stories.  
  
9th August

It's been quite relaxed around here. Not much to say, except that I'm in the dog-house for causing an explosion whilst mixing potions. I tried to tell them I'm not very good with that sort of thing, but apparently Solivitus, who runs a stall in the Gallows courtyard, had received quite a large order, and needed some help in preparing everything. I tried to explain to Orsino that the writing was rather small on the bottles, but he just told me to start using a magnifying glass. I don't think Ser Kerras is very happy with me, as he no longer has any eyebrows. I'm sure they will grow back.  
  
14th August

Ella was released from solitary confinement today, but she didn't seem very pleased about it. Bethany said she's just trying to keep her head down so as not to draw further attention to herself. I thought about the explosion I'd caused, and decided maybe I should do the same thing. Ser Kerras keeps giving me dirty looks, or maybe it just seems that way because of the missing eyebrows. I'm sure they'll start to grow back soon.  
  
16th August

Today, I saw Jackie crying, and she told me she's pregnant. She's really worried about what they'll do to her. I asked her who the father was, and she told me she doesn't know. I'm not sure that she's being truthful, though: she had a furtive look in her eyes. I suggested she speak to the First Enchanter, rather than sitting around worrying about it. She looked even more scared, but said she would consider it. I wonder if I should say something to him? I'll sleep on the matter.

X

I didn't sleep for long. I had a dream that Jackie gave birth to an abomination. I wonder if I can use a sleep spell on myself? I'll have to look into that.

19th August  
  
Jackie looked very despondent today, and still hasn't spoken to Orsino. I'm a bit worried about her.  
  
25th August  
  
I think Ser Kerras' eyebrows are returning. He still looks pretty angry when he sees me though, so I'm staying out of his way.  
I'm glad to see that Jackie looks happier today. I guess she must have spoken to the First Enchanter. Other than that, I still need to look into using a sleep spell on myself. I wonder if it hurts? I might ask around and see if someone is willing to be a guinea pig for me.  
  
28th August

I can't believe it! I was in the Gallows courtyard, and I saw Hawke! Jackie was right, he _is_ handsome, but I actually found myself staring at the white-haired elf that was in his company. He looked so strange, with these weird lines running all over his body. Well, to be fair, I don't know if they cover his whole body because obviously he was wearing clothes... really tight clothes. Is it getting warm in here? I'm feeling a bit distracted, so I'll write more tomorrow.

 


	3. Kingsway

**Kingsway, 9:34**

1st Kingsway  
  
Jackie is dead.

2nd Kingsway

I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see Jackie lying atop bloodied sheets with her wrists cut open. I wish I hadn't been the one to find her, because that image is permanently seared into my brain now. I don't think it's ever going to leave me. I keep wondering if she'd still be alive if I'd spoken to the First Enchanter about her situation.

7th Kingsway

Some people think that Jackie was murdered to keep her quiet about who the father was. I don't like that idea. We're all stuck in this prison together, so to even contemplate one of us being a killer is very disconcerting. I said as much to Bethany, and she said that we all have it in us to kill. I can't say I found that very comforting.

9th Kingsway 

We were all gathered in the hall and addressed by the First Enchanter today. He told us that the rumours regarding Jackie's death were preposterous, and that it was obvious she had taken her own life.

Everyone now thinks that Orsino was the father.

14th Kingsway 

Ser Kerras is definitely growing some new eyebrows. He even smiled at me today. I preferred it when he looked angry.  
Our cook has been taken ill. I hope we don't have to make our own dinners now, or I'll probably starve.

15th Kingsway

I've just been down to the dining hall, and the only food I can see is bread, butter, and jam. I guess that means the cook is still unwell. At least I only need to make a sandwich, even I can't get that wrong.

-X-

I've been sent to my room to contemplate my clumsiness. I don't think I can be blamed for the lump of butter that flicked off my knife and landed on the floor, it was very hard to cut into. And, it was hardly my fault that Senior Enchanter Draper slipped on it before I had a chance to pick it up. He should have been looking where he was going.

Also, I think it's only fair to point out that it was Draper who kicked poor Andrew in the dangly bits as he fell. I do think he could have tried harder to avoid him, but no, he just let his foot fall wherever it wanted to.  
I had no idea Andrew could get his voice to such a high pitch, which probably explains why Janice shrieked and threw her spoonful of jam in the air. No one, and I mean no one could have predicted that it would land on Ser Thrask's forehead.  
Being unaware of the flying dollop of strawberry jam, someone thought that the templar had been stabbed in the head, and screamed that blood magic was being used.  
  
I can only be thankful that Knight-Captain Cullen is so sensible, and soon had the whole mess sorted out. Senior Enchanter Draper was walking in a bent over position complaining that his back hurt, and Andrew was also in a bent over position complaining that his bits hurt. I hope they both feel better soon.

I just re-read that last line and realised it could be taken in the wrong way, so I feel I should clarify that I meant both men, not Andrew's dangly bits.  
  
17th Kingsway 

I've been ordered to stay away from all food after the egg I was boiling exploded. I really don't understand where I went wrong, I even read the instructions. It clearly stated I should put the egg in a pan of boiling water and leave it for 30 minutes. I explained this to First Enchanter Orsino who stared at me with disbelieving eyes, then dragged me over to the cookery book, and after flicking aside a piece of strategically placed bread, showed me that the time should have been 3 minutes. I pointed out that he'd just flicked the 0 off the book, and after he turned a rather deep shade of red, he ordered me to my room, and rather spitefully, I thought, told me I was not allowed any food for the day.

-X-

 I'm back to do an update. I was just getting ready for bed and wondering whether my rumbling stomach would keep me awake all night, when there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Andrew standing there with a ham sandwich. I was so moved by the gesture that I asked him how he was feeling. He flushed to the roots of his hair, and stammered that he was just a bit bruised, but on the road to recovery. I thanked him, and after closing the door, proceeded to rapidly devour the sandwich. I shall go to bed minus the stomach rumblings.

-X-

I am back, after being woken by a rather nasty case of indigestion. I'm going do my best to ignore it and go back to sleep. 

-X-

 I'm back again. I had a horrible dream where a large ham sandwich was chasing me, I think it wanted to eat me. I've gone off ham now.

18th Kingsway

The cook has returned. I no longer have to worry about starving, and Orsino no longer has to worry about the Circle being blown up.  
  
23rd Kingsway 

It's been a very upsetting day, because an apprentice mage didn't make it through her Harrowing. Everyone is really upset, she was such a nice girl. Some mages are questioning whether or not the test is really necessary. I don't know what to think. I wonder how many mages who have taken the Harrowing have later succumbed to a demon? And how many mages who have never taken the test have managed to avoid being possessed? It's something to think about.

24th Kingsway 

It's about two in the morning, and I don't want to go back to bed. I had a terrifying nightmare where the whole Circle was possessed. We were all abominations, and we killed all the templars. I woke up crying, shaking, and covered in sweat. I won't be sleeping anymore today. I wish I wasn't a mage. I hate that we're all kept away from everyone, like we have some infectious disease. We can't even see our families! I don't know why they do that, it just feels like we're being punished. They forget that we never asked to be this way. I hate the Circle, and I hate being a mage! I suppose I should go, as I can hear the templars making their rounds.

 


	4. Harvestmere

Harvestmere 9:34

 

8th Harvestmere 

I haven't really been in the mood to write, but today seems noteworthy. Someone overheard Knight-Commander Meredith shouting at Emeric, because he's been harassing some noble about women who have gone missing. I told Bethany that perhaps we're safer in the Circle. She said that one of the missing women was a mage. I find my conversations with her don't bring me a lot of comfort.

I'm still avoiding ham.

I still need to test out the sleep spell on someone.

10th Harvestmere 

Andrew said he'd let me test the sleep spell on him, so I'm going to sneak to his room tonight.

-X-

 I've been sent back to my room in disgrace, and Andrew is being treated for a sprained wrist. I think there might have been a bit of miscommunication. Andrew told me to turn my back whilst he got ready for bed. A few minutes later, I asked him if he was ready, and although I missed the first part of his reply, I definitely heard him say, “I'm ready.”  
So, of course I turned around, and released the spell, unaware that he was still standing up. The good news is that he fell forward onto the bed, unfortunately, he then bounced off the mattress and fell on the floor. I think that's when he sprained his wrist.  
  
Knight-Captain Cullen was not amused when he walked into the room to investigate the thud. I don't think he believed me when I said I was practising the sleep spell. It probably didn't help that Andrew was only in his underwear.

Ser Kerras said it was unfortunate that Andrew had sprained his wrist just when he'd recovered from his previous injury. I don't know what he means. I can't see any connection between Andrew's dangly bits and his wrist. I shall ask around, maybe someone else will know.

11th Harvestmere 

I now understand what Ser Kerras meant, and it conjured up an image which I can't seem to get rid of. I hope I don't dream of a penis turning into an abomination.

12th Harvestmere 

I dreamed of a ham sandwich turning into a penis. I think my brain is messed up. Still, I suppose it's better than the abomination scenario.  
I visited the Gallows courtyard to buy a present for Andrew, I feel it's the least I can do. I couldn't make up my mind as to what to buy; there was a really nice carving of an ogre, but also a rather unusual wood carving of a palm tree.

I decided to go with the palm tree, as the ogre looked a bit scary. I think my gesture took Andrew by surprise because he went very red, and couldn't speak. He eventually managed a croaky thank you. I wonder if his arm is still hurting? That might explain the flushed cheeks and dazed look.

14th Harvestmere

I'm mortified. Bethany came over to chat, and she seemed a bit annoyed. She said she thought it was tactless of me to buy Andrew a fertility idol considering the areas I'd injured. I was about to refute being the cause of the injury to his dangly bits, when I realised what she'd said. I told her I bought him a palm tree, and she pointed out that it was a carving of an ejaculating penis.  
I can only say that whoever created that piece wasn't very talented. I wonder if I should apologise to Andrew? I shall sleep on it.

-X-

I'm back. I dreamt of a wooden penis chasing me around my room, it was very disconcerting.

17th Harvestmere 

I decided to apologise to Andrew. He was very nice about the misunderstanding, and hoped I wouldn't be offended that the palm tree penis was packed away. After recalling my dream of being chased by a wooden penis, I told him I completely understood.  
  
21st Harvestmere

We found out today that poor Emeric has been murdered. I hope Knight-Commander Meredith feels bad for shouting at him, though I doubt it, she seems to be acting a little peculiar lately. A service is being held for the templar tomorrow. I will visit the chapel and say a prayer for him.

-X-

I've spent the last hour trying to think of where to hide the altar cloth. It's not that I have anything against altar cloths, it's just that this one got a bit burnt when I tripped. The fall itself wouldn't have been a problem, but unfortunately I was carrying a candle, which flew from my hand and landed on the cloth, leaving a substantial hole. I would have thought that with all the crime novels I've read, I would be able to come up with a sophisticated plan to rid myself of the evidence.

-X-

I have decided that the reason criminals are caught is because their plans are too sophisticated, so I have opted for a simple solution, and thrown the altar cloth out the window. It's very windy out there, and I'm sure it must already be fluttering away to some unknown destination.

22nd Harvestmere 

My plan failed! As we were all making our way to Emeric's funeral service, someone spotted the altar cloth flapping from a flag pole. I tutted, and looked suitably shocked. I hope no one remembers I was in the chapel last night.  
It was a rather touching service, and Knight-Captain Cullen gave a very nice speech. There were a few raised eyebrows exchanged amongst those gathered. I found out later that this was because Knight-Commander Meredith was absent, maybe she did feel bad for shouting at him? The rest of the day passed quietly.

23rd Harvestmere

The altar cloth has been taken down, and no one seems any the wiser as to how it happened. I think I'm in the clear.  


-X-

The guilt must be eating away at me, because I dreamt that the altar cloth tried to strangle me. I was relieved to find that it was only the bed sheets which had gotten tangled around me. I wonder if I should admit what I did? I'll sleep on it.

24th Harvestmere 

I decided to come clean, and told First Enchanter Orsino. He was very understanding, and said that the cloth was old, and would have been replaced soon, so there was no real harm done. He also suggested that perhaps I shouldn't be alone in the chapel, especially when lighting candles.

27th Harvestmere

There was a bit of a stir at breakfast when Bethany was called to the First Enchanter's office. She still hadn't returned by the time breakfast was over. There are a lot of theories being bandied about. Some think she's pregnant, but I don't believe that, she's much too sensible to get into that kind of trouble. If that is the case, I feel sorry for the father, because I don't think Hawke would take the news very well. I shall be back when I've learnt more.

-X-

All the theories were wrong It's much worse than we could have imagined. Apparently, Bethany's mother has been murdered. I can't even imagine what that must be like. I asked a templar to accompany me to the chapel so I could light a candle for the Hawke family.

29th Harvestmere 

Rumours are abound regarding the murder of Bethany's mother; some say it was committed by a mage. I think that just makes it worse. Maybe the Circle _is_ needed, if this is what happens when mages are free. I wonder how Hawke is holding up? It must be very hard for the siblings to be separated at this difficult time. Orsino is very upset by the news. I suppose it's because it makes mages look bad.

 


	5. Firstfall

**Firstfall, 9:34**

3rd Firstfall

Andrew told me he liked me, and said he wanted to see me in private. I told him I would think on the matter. I do like him, but I'm nervous about being alone with him. I shall sleep on it.

4th Firstfall 

I've agreed to meet Andrew. He told me to go to the storage closet on the second floor. I'm still very nervous, but also excited. I'm wearing my best robe, and I've even put my hair up.

-X-

I've been brought back to my room by Knight-Captain Cullen, after I mistakenly walked into his room, thinking it was the storage closet. I wish they would put names on the doors, it would save a lot of embarrassment for mages.

5th Firstfall 

Andrew was very angry with me for not showing up, until I explained that I'd gotten lost. He said he would draw me a map.

6th Firstfall 

I have the map, nothing can go wrong now.

-X-

I've eventually made it back to my room after wandering around the Circle for three hours. I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. I don't think Andrew will be very happy. I'm not particularly pleased, as my feet are killing me.

7th Firstfall 

Andrew was definitely not happy, but I pointed out that his map is very small, and not very clear. He still wasn't happy, and accused me of making up excuses. I told him that perhaps we just needed a new location which wasn't quite so difficult to find as the second floor storage closet. He said he would try and think of somewhere else.

8th Firstfall

We are going to meet in the small office attached to the library. I feel confident of making this meeting as I am very familiar with the location of the library. I've put on my best robe, but I've decided to go with comfier shoes, just in case.   
  


-X-

He kissed me! His lips were very warm, but they felt really nice. For some reason I have an urge to sing, but it's quite late. I shall sing while bathing tomorrow, if I still feel like it. We're going to meet there in the office again tomorrow night. I can't wait.

  
9th Firstfall 

I sang in the bathing room, and was immediately told to shut up before I made someone's ears bleed. I was a little hurt by the comment, but I cheered myself up with thoughts of another kiss.

-X-

I didn't get a kiss, because our plans were foiled by Senior Enchanter Draper! He was sitting in the library reading when I arrived. Before I had a chance to get away, he saw me, and asked why I was wandering around so late. I said I couldn't sleep and came down to get a book. He nodded, and waved me away. I grabbed a book, and was on the verge of making my escape, when I saw Andrew wave to me from the office. I had no idea he was in there, so his abrupt appearance made me scream and drop my book, which in turn made Draper scream, and fall off his chair.

Inevitably, our screams brought templars to the scene, and after I explained that I'd seen a mouse, they carried Draper away, and escorted me back to my room. As I closed my door, I could hear the senior enchanter bemoaning the fact that his back would never be the same. The poor man does have a knack for injuring that area.

10th Firstfall 

Andrew says we should wait a few days before meeting again, as this is the second time I've been caught outside my room after hours. I reluctantly agreed.

-X-

I only got a few hours sleep, before I woke up from a very strange dream. I was a ham sandwich, and Andrew was trying to eat me. It doesn't make sense. Maybe I'm just hungry.

14th Firstfall

We haven't had a chance to meet up, as the templars have stepped up security. Apparently, it's because people are worried about the Qunari. I've heard about them, they sound quite scary with their big horns. I shall see if we have any books about them in the library, perhaps they're not as bad as they sound.   
  
16th Firstfall 

I found a book about the Qunari, written by Brother Genitivi. They're much worse than I imagined. They sew up the mouths of their mages, and keep them chained like dogs. I wish I hadn't read the book, as I'm sure I'll have nightmares about this.

17th Firstfall 

No nightmares.

19th Firstfall 

Bethany had a letter from her brother, and she says he's very concerned about the Qunari situation. That can't be good. I'm a bit worried, I don't want my mouth sewn up, and the chains sound very uncomfortable.

Andrew said he knew how to cheer me up. I thought he was going to tell me a joke, but he dragged me away to a quiet corner and kissed me. I feel much happier.

22nd Firstfall 

I can't tell whether it's late in the evening, or early in the morning, but I can hear shouting, and the occasional scream. I don't know what's happening, but I think it might be the Qunari. I'm so scared.

I have to go, the templars are telling all tested mages to get ready to fight. May the Maker protect us.

24th Firstfall

The Qunari have been defeated. Hawke has been named the Champion of Kirkwall. There are talks of a statue being erected in his honour. I wonder if anyone will remember the mages that died fighting for Kirkwall? Rest in peace: Terry, Jacob, Alana, Senior Enchanter Draper, Callie, Senior Enchanter Farris, and Andrew. My sweet, funny Andrew is dead. I still can't believe it. No amount of writing can ease the pain I'm feeling.

 

 


	6. Drakonis

Drakonis, 9:37

3rd Drakonis

I'd forgotten all about this diary, until I found it at the bottom of my footlocker whilst tidying up. I lost the will to write, or do much of anything for a while. However, it seems appropriate that I've found it now, as I could do with somewhere to put down my thoughts.

The situation between mages and templars is deteriorating rapidly. For example, yesterday, First Enchanter Orsino and Knight-Commander Meredith had a shouting match on the steps outside the Viscount's Keep. I have a bad feeling about this.

7th Drakonis 

There's a mage called Grace who seems intent on starting trouble. She's talking about rebelling against Knight-Commander Meredith. She even says there are templars who feel the same way. I'm going to avoid her, I've had enough fighting to last me a lifetime.

9th Drakonis

Things are very tense in the Circle. Everyone seems to be glaring. Orsino constantly glares at Meredith, and vice versa. Ser Kerras keeps glaring at Ser Thrask. Then there's Jason, who keeps glaring at me, although I think that's because of the incident with the cat. However, I can't be blamed for where the animal decided to relieve itself. Jason should have made sure the door to his room was closed properly, then he might not have had to deal with the smelly surprise on his bed.   
I suppose I'm partly to blame in that I brought the cat inside, but it was cold and raining outside. I'm sure he'll get over it.

10th Drakonis

I can't find the cat, I hope he stays away from Jason, who is still glaring.

11th Drakonis 

Still glaring. That man can hold a grudge.

Cat still missing. I shall go searching tonight.  
  
The cat has been made to leave the Circle. It pounced on First Enchanter Orsino just as he was getting into bed. I hear he has some nasty scratches on a certain sensitive part of the body. I hope the cat is going to be okay, but at least I don't have to go looking for it now.   
  
14th Drakonis

I'm feeling a little depressed. It has been 23 years since I came to the Circle, and I don't feel as though I've achieved anything. I wonder if I should apply for the position of a Senior Enchanter? Do people apply for that position, or are they chosen? I shall have to look into it.   
  
15th Drakonis 

I went to see Senior Enchanter Willie to find out how one becomes a senior enchanter. He was hidden behind a lot of books and paperwork, mumbling about how he never gets any rest. I decided to leave before he saw me. I'm sure I've achieved plenty.

19th Drakonis 

Emile de Launcet is missing. Knight-Commander Meredith is furious. I think it's because Emile isn't exactly the brightest candle in the box, and yet he somehow escaped the Gallows. I hope he gets away.   
  
21st Drakonis 

Emile has returned, but he seems very happy, which is strange considering he's just been chucked back into the Circle. He hugged Bethany, and said that her brother was brilliant. He spent the rest of the day walking around with a big smile on his face.

22nd Drakonis

Emile is still smiling.

23rd Drakonis 

Bethany said that Hawke allowed Emile to have sex before returning to the Circle. No wonder he's smiling.

26th Drakonis 

First Enchanter Orsino asked me if I knew of any mages who were sneaking out of the Gallows at night. I told him no. I wish I did, I would have joined them.   
  
27th Drakonis

I spoke to Bethany about Orsino's conversation, and she said he'd asked her the same thing. I suggested we sneak down to the courtyard tonight and see if anyone leaves. She asked if I was going to turn them in, which was a bit hurtful, as I've never done anything like that. I told her I was thinking of joining them for a night. Maybe I could have some fun, like Emile. Bethany said she thinks it might be Grace who's sneaking out. I don't think that would be fun, so I've scrapped my plans for a night out.   
  
30th Drakonis

Found out today that it wasn't Grace leaving the Circle at night, it was a group of mages and templars who were conspiring against Knight-Commander Meredith. This is the first time I've heard of templars and mages working together, although I doubt that Meredith is impressed with what she's achieved. Some people are just very hard to please.

 


	7. Cloudreach

**Cloudreach, 9:37**

3rd Cloudreach

Breakfast was enlivened today by the appearance of Senior Enchanter Willie, who came downstairs in only his dressing gown, which he had, unfortunately, failed to do up. Even more unfortunate though, was the fact that he had also forgotten his underwear. The breakfast hall has never been so quiet. I think the stress must have gotten to him. The First Enchanter showed the poor fellow back to his room. I fear I may have trouble saying his name after what I saw today, but I shall do my best.

8th Cloudreach 

Bethany has disappeared. I hope she's all right, she doesn't seem the type to run away.

-X-

There has been a further development regarding Bethany's disappearance. It seems that Grace, Alain, and Ser Thrask have also left the Circle. I don't know how everyone keeps escaping so easily. Is there a secret door somewhere?

I'm very concerned about Bethany now.

9th Cloudreach

Still no news of Bethany. I saw Hawke talking to Knight-Captain Cullen in the Gallows courtyard. He looked very angry. I hope he finds her.

10th Cloudreach

Bethany is back! Grace and Ser Thrask were responsible for kidnapping her. I always knew Grace was trouble, but I'm surprised at Ser Thrask. He was one of the kindest templars we had, which makes it ironic that he was killed by Grace, a mage of all people. Maker! No wonder people fear us. I'm going to bed, I just want this day to be over.

13th Cloudreach

The last few days have been horrible. The templars are watching us like hawks, and we mages are scared to talk to each other in case they think we're conspiring. I feel like I'm suffocating in this tense atmosphere. I find myself wondering whether Grace had the right idea, or if maybe this is what we deserve?

14th Cloudreach 

I had a horrible nightmare in which I was stood in the Gallows, surrounded by the bloodied corpses of my friends and fellow mages. It was a terrifying feeling being so alone. I wish Andrew was here, he always made me feel better. I don't think I'll be sleeping anymore tonight, so I guess now would be a good time to catch up on my reading.

-X-

I'm very annoyed. After reading this crime thriller for three hours, I find that the last few pages have been torn out, so now I'll never know who did it. I think it was the butler, but it would have been nice to have that confirmed. I wonder if the library has a copy of this book? I still don't feel like sleeping so I'll go and check.

15th Cloudreach 

I hate this place!! I hate them all! I only wanted a fucking book, instead I became a punching bag for Kerras. He accused me of being there to conspire with other mages. He kept asking me who else was involved, and I kept telling him I just wanted a book! And, every time I said that, he would hit me. If it hadn't been for the intervention of Knight-Captain Cullen, I think Kerras would have killed me. I was taken to Orsino's office to get treatment for my injuries. The First Enchanter's face was white with anger when he saw me, and I think he started shouting at Cullen, but I passed out. I woke up in my own room with my injuries healed, and yet I can still feel his punches.

25th Cloudreach 

I've decided that it's time to stop moping around in my room, and face my fears. Also, Bethany has said she wont get me any more books from the library, and I've just finished my last one.

28th Cloudreach

I feel honoured. I've been asked to teach a class for a couple of days while Enchanter Trellus is off with a cold. I'm reading through the lesson for tomorrow; it's about spell combinations, which is pretty straightforward.

29th Cloudreach

Teaching is not as easy as I thought. Firstly, I had a group of moody teenagers, all acne and

out-of-control hormones. I started with the theoretical lesson first, mainly because I wasn't sure how well these kids would be able to handle magic when their emotions are all up in the air.

Things were going rather well, until one child, who shall remain anonymous because I can't remember his name, kept asking questions. I admit that my patience was wearing thin after the child stated three times in a row that he didn't get it.

In my infinite wisdom, I decided that diagrams might help. So I wrote ' _spell might'_ vertically on the board and circled it, then below that I wrote ' _blizzard'_ and circled it, and next to that I wrote ' _tempest'_ , and, once again, circled it. I asked the class what it was, and after a moment's silence they started to laugh, and the little bugger who'd been asking all the questions shouted, “It's a penis!”   
  
It was on the tip of my tongue to rebuke them, but then I looked at the board, and realised they were right. I grabbed the cloth to clear the board, but unfortunately, First Enchanter Orsino entered the room before I could remove it. He glared at me, and said that I should remember this is a class about magic, not biology.   
  
I think I'm going to come down with a cold before tomorrow's lesson.

30th Cloudreach 

I have a migraine.

 

 


	8. Bloomingtide

_A big thank you to Tom for proof reading, and helping with the layout._

**Bloomingtide, 9:37**

1st Bloomingtide

First Enchanter Orsino didn't believe that I had a migraine and has now extended my time as a teacher. Two weeks with the sulky little sods... I mean kids.

2nd Bloomingtide 

Today, someone placed two apples and a banana on my desk in a very suggestive arrangement. I threw them in my drawer, deciding it was best to just ignore them. I have to say though, this apple is delicious.

3rd Bloomingtide 

This morning, there were two round sponges and a loofah on my desk in the same suggestive arrangement. I'm impressed; these children are rather inventive. I shall try out the sponge tonight when I have a bath.

4th Bloomingtide 

Today my desk contained two small potatoes and a sausage. I had a nice sausage sandwich for my dinner. I'm beginning to see the perks of this job. I hope they decide to do something with chocolate tomorrow.

5th Bloomingtide 

I'm rather disappointed in their efforts today, there were two erasers and a pencil.

6th Bloomingtide 

I'm feeling a little emotional. I found a bar of chocolate on my desk, and a small note which simply said “Sorry, and thanks for being a good sport. Singed everyone.”

I debated about pointing out the spelling mistake, but felt that would be petty. Also, they might have wanted the chocolate back.   
  
14th Bloomingtide

I can't believe it, but I was actually rather sad to hand the class back over to Enchanter Trellus.

16th Bloomingtide 

I'm feeling rather bored. I think I've read every book in the library, except for one entitled 'Cautionary tales for the housewife.' I can't understand why that's even there, it's just so unnecessary, we're never going to become housewives. Great, now I feel depressed. Damn it, there's someone at my door.

-X-

I'm back. That was ~~Bethanie~~... ~~Bethanee~~... Beth and she said Jay had some ~~alchol~~... ~~aclahol~~... wine. I think I might be a bit tipsy. There are two of everything, except for my shoe. I seem to have lost one. I wondered why my foot felt cold. I think I should go ~~serchin~~... ~~surching~~... looking for it.

-X-

I'm back. I can't find the door. I've thrown the other shoe out the window.

17th Bloomingtide 

I feel like I'm dying. I'm never drinking again! I wish I could get my hands on the bastard who's playing the drums in my head. I'm going to stop writing, even the sound of the nib on paper is too loud.

-X-

I can't find my shoes. I'm having to wear a very tatty pair for now. I shall go to the market in the courtyard tomorrow. I'm going down to breakfast, maybe some coffee will help.

-X-

I wish I hadn't gone down to breakfast. Ser Kerras stormed into the hall, holding my shoe, and shouting for the owner of the footwear to stand up. Even though my head felt like it was going to explode, I retained enough sense to remain sitting. Then he turned in my direction, and I noticed his black eye. I feel proud of my shoe for exacting revenge on that piece of shit templar.

18th Bloomingtide

Never has buying a pair of shoes been so fraught with danger. Jason and Bethany kept an eye out for Ser Kerras, while I quickly made my way to the market stall. I grabbed the first pair I could see, paid for them, and was halfway across the courtyard when I realised I had the wrong size. The merchant was very rude, and said I should have checked before purchasing them. In a fit of panic, I threatened to freeze his balls, whereupon he hastily accepted the shoes and gave me a pair in the right size. He was even kind enough to wrap them in paper for me.

  
However, I had a moment of fear, as when I turned back towards the Gallows, I noticed Knight-Captain Cullen watching me. I swallowed hard, looking like a rabbit caught in a trap, but then he smiled at me. I'm still in shock. I've never seen him smile before, and now I finally understand why Jackie found him attractive.

19th Bloomingtide

The shoes have given me blisters, but Ser Kerras still has a black eye, so I'm happy to put up with a sore foot.

21st Bloomingtide 

Knight-Commander Meredith and First Enchanter Orsino had another shouting match. Everyone looks worried. I have a horrible feeling that this isn't going to end well.

23rd Bloomingtide 

The templars seem more distant than usual, and it's scaring everyone. Bethany looks particularly worried, which has made me more anxious, because I'm sure she gets letters from Hawke, and therefore has a better idea of what's going on outside the Circle. I think I'll go and talk to her.

I wish I hadn't done that. It's worse than I thought. The main topic of conversation in Kirkwall is that Knight-Commander Meredith has gone mad. I hope she doesn't recall Ser Alrik's 'tranquil solution', or we could be in big trouble.

-X-

I had that dream with the branding iron, that's what I get for thinking of the tranquil solution. It's been a long time since I've had that nightmare. I just checked through my book to see when the last time was, and realised that it was this bad dream that prompted me to start writing a diary. I feel like I'm back to square one. 

28 th Bloomingtide

Orsino and Meredith had another argument. She said she wouldn't talk with him anymore and walked off. Shortly afterwards, Orsino was seen storming out of the Gallows. It feels like everything is coming to a head. I'm scared.

-X-

Oh Maker! I don't even know where to start. Someone pointed out that there were red lights in the distance, and before I could turn around, a massive explosion shook the ground, then fire started to fall from the sky. The templars herded us into the dining hall, and then covered each door. They stared at us with grim eyes, and their hands rested on the pommel of their swords. Then they attacked. We did our best to protect the young ones, but I think we failed. There was so much screaming and blood. I got stabbed, and passed out. When I came around, there were only dead bodies around me. I think I had a dream like that. I made it back to my room so I could record what had happened.

I'm tired... I think I'm dying. There's a lot of blood on my robe. It's getting cold, and hard to write. I can see Andrew coming towards me, he's smiling, and holding out a hand. I think I'll go___

 

***********

“What have you got there, Hawke?” Varric asked.   
Hawke brushed a drop of blood from the page he was reading. “I think it was this lady's diary,” he replied, indicating the body of a woman slumped over a desk.  
He spun quickly as he heard Bethany's cry of distress. She rushed forward and checked for a pulse, but it was clear the young woman was dead. Bethany's face crumpled, and tears ran down her cheeks, as she ran a gentle hand through the lady's hair. “It's Jessica, she was a close friend of mine.”

Hawke gave his sister a hug, and handed her the diary. “Perhaps you should keep this.”

Bethany nodded, then turned to Varric. “Would you be able to get this published?”   
The dwarf looked surprised at the request. “I don't know, Sunshine. I'm not sure people will want to read about a mage considering what happened today... and anyway, what would we call it?”   
Bethany looked thoughtfully at the dog-eared journal, then smiled, “How about... 'Memoirs of a Mage'?”   
Varric returned the smile. “I'll see what I can do.”

  
  


_The End_   
  


 


End file.
